Need help dealing with a close family member??
Question: Please help me! A little over a year ago I ended a very unheathly relationship with my childrens father. We lived together for some 7 years, and at that point I decided it would be best for us (the kids and I) to move back home with my parents. Now mind you I'm 1 month shy of being 30 and I had no choice but to move in with them. we have been here for about a year now and my mother is driving me crazy. She constantly has to be in control of everything, as far as my children go. It's always you should do this or why didn't you do that as well as other annoying things. I already suffer from major depression and this is just taking me over the top. I feel such a hatred towards her because she just won't quit. I know how that sounds, but thats how I feel. The option of moving out is simply out of the question because I don't make enough to either save the money nor rent an appartment. I have to stay here until I can earn the money to move on. Please help!
Answers: Your mom is probably trying to help. I am sure she loves you and in some way feels she is running interference for you by taking care of things and doesn't in the remotest way think she is controlling.
she loves you and to her you are her child as much as your children are yours. too bad but fact.... I have a really hard time seeing my oldest married daughter as an adult too.... simple. once you are a mam you are a mom forever!
she may have felt you failed at the relationship because she d failed you some how and now wants to (probably unconsciously ) fix things but feels powerless to do so and instead is taking care of you and the kids .
Talk to her I am sure she wants to be involved in your life. she probably also worries you won't ever leave.
Older folks like their privacy too and remember your mom has already raised her kids and was ready to relax some in her later years.... tell you you are aware and so grateful because you appreciate all the things she has done and given up to help you and the kids and you know you don't tell her often enough. and when she gets all soft and mushy, as hard as it may be, do NOT take that moment to ruin it by complaining!
wait til some night the two of you are sitting together watching tv with the kids in bed and having a private moment and tell her you think the kids are starting to listen to her more than you and you realise its her house but you need to regain more cotrol over your family. Make her your ali and ask for her help. tell her it would help loads if she would step back a little more and let you try to handle things with the kids more often, because it kind of underminds your authority with them when she takes over or contradicts you in front of them.
But she is your mom and you need to be respectful. remember those kids are watching and how you treat your own mother will be a direct reflection as to how they feel about you.
you also might need to consider moving out and getting another single mom roomate that way you might be able to split child care as well.
confront her, and tell her how u feel.
or
get a job and save up enough. itll keep you busy and and get u enuf money
I think you should confront her about it. Tell her that they're your kids, not hers, and that you know what's best for them. But also make sure she knows how much you appreciate her taking you in. Maybe you should see about child support and save as much mondy as you can so you can get your own place. Good luck and maybe try to get some help about your depression.
Moving back home as an adult is never an easy thing to do. Parents still want to be parents and it can become annoying. However, you must remember the positive side of being there with mom. You have some financial relief, more help with your children, and less stress. Get to the bottom of what mom really expects of you. Sit down with her and calmly discuss it. Tell her you want to be able to get along but you feel that you are having a difficult time adjusting to moving back home. Be honest with her. She is your mom and has yours and your children's best interest at heart. You still are adjusting to living with her again and these are some of the pains of adjustment. Try to work with her and make some compromises the best you can. You need her right now.
you don't mention how many children you have..why does he not pay child support.? I'm sure it is a strain on your mother and I'm sure she sees things different than you...Experence the best teacher.....You may contact a church, or some organization, you need support but things won't get any better if you continue to build up this hate for your mother.....
Have you tried the Women's Resource Center? They help displaced single parents. Look for subsidized housing. Go to DHS (Department of Human Services) they give assistance to single parents.
I hope this helps a little. And you might want to take long walks just to get away from your mom & give yourself time to de-stress from her constant nagging. Does your parents have a basement, if they do maybe you can live down there & talked to your mom & say this is my area & I need some privacy. Tell her that you are the parent of your children & you will do the correcting & raising of them the best way you see fit. Let her know that you appreicate her advice, but just keep it as advice because the children need to know I am the parent & my rules are my rules.
You might want to join a single parent club which they may have some helpful advice also.
Be proactive & assertive about your feelings with her!! Just tell her in a calm manner when you both are just chillin' & then bring up your conversation again when she starts up. Then it is on her, not you!
I know those kinds of personalities are hard to deal with, as the person often won't even see it and maybe refuse to. I'm not really sure what else you can do but confront her about it. She may be disappointed that life is the way it is and you have had to move back home, but her behavior is not helping...she needs to know you need her encouragement and shoulder in trying to get life moving forward and onto your feet again...not her criticism, which does nothing but strain your relationship and helps no one.
I think you should talk to her. Let her know that you appreciate her letting you and your kids move in with her until you get on your feet but she needs to let you raise your kids. They are not her children and it is not up to her how you take care of them. I am sure she is not trying to drive you crazy. She probably just thinks she is giving you advice however she doesn't realize she is doing so in an inappropriate manner. Be straightforward with her and don't try to be too nice about it. If you try to spare her feelings too much than you might not be able to get all your points across to her. It is also important to realize that when you moved back home your mom went back into mom mode. It is just natural for her to mother the children in her home but it is time for her to realize that she needs to let you be the mom to your kids. I hope this helps you. Good Luck and God Bless!
Answers: Your mom is probably trying to help. I am sure she loves you and in some way feels she is running interference for you by taking care of things and doesn't in the remotest way think she is controlling.
she loves you and to her you are her child as much as your children are yours. too bad but fact.... I have a really hard time seeing my oldest married daughter as an adult too.... simple. once you are a mam you are a mom forever!
she may have felt you failed at the relationship because she d failed you some how and now wants to (probably unconsciously ) fix things but feels powerless to do so and instead is taking care of you and the kids .
Talk to her I am sure she wants to be involved in your life. she probably also worries you won't ever leave.
Older folks like their privacy too and remember your mom has already raised her kids and was ready to relax some in her later years.... tell you you are aware and so grateful because you appreciate all the things she has done and given up to help you and the kids and you know you don't tell her often enough. and when she gets all soft and mushy, as hard as it may be, do NOT take that moment to ruin it by complaining!
wait til some night the two of you are sitting together watching tv with the kids in bed and having a private moment and tell her you think the kids are starting to listen to her more than you and you realise its her house but you need to regain more cotrol over your family. Make her your ali and ask for her help. tell her it would help loads if she would step back a little more and let you try to handle things with the kids more often, because it kind of underminds your authority with them when she takes over or contradicts you in front of them.
But she is your mom and you need to be respectful. remember those kids are watching and how you treat your own mother will be a direct reflection as to how they feel about you.
you also might need to consider moving out and getting another single mom roomate that way you might be able to split child care as well.
confront her, and tell her how u feel.
or
get a job and save up enough. itll keep you busy and and get u enuf money
I think you should confront her about it. Tell her that they're your kids, not hers, and that you know what's best for them. But also make sure she knows how much you appreciate her taking you in. Maybe you should see about child support and save as much mondy as you can so you can get your own place. Good luck and maybe try to get some help about your depression.
Moving back home as an adult is never an easy thing to do. Parents still want to be parents and it can become annoying. However, you must remember the positive side of being there with mom. You have some financial relief, more help with your children, and less stress. Get to the bottom of what mom really expects of you. Sit down with her and calmly discuss it. Tell her you want to be able to get along but you feel that you are having a difficult time adjusting to moving back home. Be honest with her. She is your mom and has yours and your children's best interest at heart. You still are adjusting to living with her again and these are some of the pains of adjustment. Try to work with her and make some compromises the best you can. You need her right now.
you don't mention how many children you have..why does he not pay child support.? I'm sure it is a strain on your mother and I'm sure she sees things different than you...Experence the best teacher.....You may contact a church, or some organization, you need support but things won't get any better if you continue to build up this hate for your mother.....
Have you tried the Women's Resource Center? They help displaced single parents. Look for subsidized housing. Go to DHS (Department of Human Services) they give assistance to single parents.
I hope this helps a little. And you might want to take long walks just to get away from your mom & give yourself time to de-stress from her constant nagging. Does your parents have a basement, if they do maybe you can live down there & talked to your mom & say this is my area & I need some privacy. Tell her that you are the parent of your children & you will do the correcting & raising of them the best way you see fit. Let her know that you appreicate her advice, but just keep it as advice because the children need to know I am the parent & my rules are my rules.
You might want to join a single parent club which they may have some helpful advice also.
Be proactive & assertive about your feelings with her!! Just tell her in a calm manner when you both are just chillin' & then bring up your conversation again when she starts up. Then it is on her, not you!
I know those kinds of personalities are hard to deal with, as the person often won't even see it and maybe refuse to. I'm not really sure what else you can do but confront her about it. She may be disappointed that life is the way it is and you have had to move back home, but her behavior is not helping...she needs to know you need her encouragement and shoulder in trying to get life moving forward and onto your feet again...not her criticism, which does nothing but strain your relationship and helps no one.
I think you should talk to her. Let her know that you appreciate her letting you and your kids move in with her until you get on your feet but she needs to let you raise your kids. They are not her children and it is not up to her how you take care of them. I am sure she is not trying to drive you crazy. She probably just thinks she is giving you advice however she doesn't realize she is doing so in an inappropriate manner. Be straightforward with her and don't try to be too nice about it. If you try to spare her feelings too much than you might not be able to get all your points across to her. It is also important to realize that when you moved back home your mom went back into mom mode. It is just natural for her to mother the children in her home but it is time for her to realize that she needs to let you be the mom to your kids. I hope this helps you. Good Luck and God Bless!
More questions & answers:
- ABSOLUTLEY URGENT! PLEASE HELP, im really down and i feel like ending it, i beg you to help please?
- Quick!!!HELP!?
- Heroin addict what help is available .what can we do?
- Please Help……I’m depressed?
- Pleae Help. Should I major in Social Work?
- Nervous help..?
- I need some help real help?
- Getting help for my eating disorder?
- A mental breakdown help?
- How do i help my brother?
- Procrastination!! Help!!?
- Plz help. Need help?